타고르의 기도

위험으로부터 벗어나게 해달라고 기도하지 않고
위험에 처해도 두려워하지 않게 해달라고 기도하게 하소서

고통을 멎게 해달라고 기도하지 않고
고통을 이겨낼 가슴을 달라고 기도하게 하소서

생의 싸움터에서 함께 싸울
동료를 보내달라고 기도하는 대신
스스로의 힘을 갖도록 해달라고 기도하게 하소서

두려움 속에서 구원을 열망하기보다는
스스로 자유를 찾을 인내심을 달라고 기도하게 하소서

내 자신의 성공에서만 신의 자비를 느끼는 겁쟁이가 되지 않도록 하시고
나의 실패에서도 신의 손길을 느끼게 하소서

-타고르-

Commissioned Essay

Dear my friend,

                  You might remember from conversations we had a long time ago that my wish was to live a different life every day. I was so bored of repetitive routine at school and at home, eager for new changes or even some kinds of accidents. I wanted to have ups and downs in every single day and remember every day as a special day, an unforgettable journey. And that wish was finally realized when I came to KMLA. Every day is like a shot of lightening! Everything happens so swiftly and yet with such a strong impression on me.

                  My daily journey at KMLA starts with a painstaking morning exercise. I have to drag my heavy torso dangling with my four limps to the playground and walk around it like a zombie. That’s the same every day. But what’s different is that when cold morning air awakens my mind, I would then notice little but remarkable changes around me—maybe mist that shrouds the space near me like soft satin, maybe snowflakes lightly landing on my shoulders and whispering to my ear, maybe eye-burning sunshine that steals the charm and beauty from any other natural objects, and there are more and more. How can I deny that I am so blessed to live in a place with no building shielding the morning sun and no smog blurring the starry sky but clearly with the evolving power of nature that decorates the stage for each and every journey of mine in a special way. Therefore no wonder—the same place to journey, but I feel like I am travelling at a different place every day!

                  In my dairy, all my things-to-do are pretty much the same: assignment, club activity, school activity, class project and perhaps three or four others, no more and no less for two full years. You might wonder how such a life is different from the past one which monotony I had often complained about. But when every task means to me a new challenge, a new opportunity and a new enlightenment, my life becomes completely different. It is no longer about going over repetitive problem-sets, memorizing a piece of texts by reading over and over, and learning by rote a well established system of information. Rather, it is about discovering various solutions to the same problem, reading closely to interpret the meanings hidden between the lines, and absorbing information along with its pattern and interconnection. Launching every new task is like switching to another type of lands: from a highway to a sidewalk, from a grass land to a mountain, from a wheat field to a swamp...

                  There is something I can control about my life: what to do, when to do, and perhaps how to do. However, there are things that I can never expect bumping into my journey and giving me joyful surprise. For example, whenever I have free time or feel the need to relax and meditate, I would go to the hill behind my dorm and walk along the trail on it. I never expect anything special to happen there but every time something happens. Once, while I was sitting on a rock looking at the mountains further away. Suddenly, I heard someone making noise behind the bush. That was Mr. Ganse, another avid mountain lover on campus! Once, while I was cutting down a dead tree with Mr. Ganse to clear up the barriers to the trail, a group of four or five climbers walked by and wholeheartedly thanked us for clearing up the road. Once, I met a farmer and a boy having a simple picnic under the shadow of a tree from which I picked some wild fruits. Small encounters, here and there, decorate my journey with unexpected joys and laughter so that I remember every walk to the hill as a special and unique journey.

                  Such is my life at KMLA—a new journey every day, a lifestyle I want to keep in the future as well. Another day to go, another journey to launch…… What is going to happen? I know it is going to be different from the last one, but how? I am so excited! 

Your friend. 

Thirty Things About Me

Thirty Things About Me

1. Hyejin, my name!
According to the Chinese characters of my name, Hye means wisdom or resourcefulness while Jin means sincerity or truthfulness. My parents wish me to be a wise and frank person and such is also who I want to be. In Korean, it is translated as "참으로 지혜로운".

2. Tianjin
It is the city I call to be my hometown. I had lived there for nearly 16 years and I had witnessed the great transformation and development that Tianjin had gone through as it had also witnessed my growth and maturation. Everything in the first 16 years of my memory is associated with Tianjin.

3. my family
If I were to explain everything about each of my family members and what they mean to me, I would have to write nonstop. My family left all our friends and relatives when we moved to Tianjin and we had always relied on each other as a source of strength and warmth.

4. Korean
I am a Korean. This fact would not have been so important to me if I had lived in Korea. But it is important when I lived in China, a country yet to be very open to foreigners especially more than a decade ago. I was more often characterized as a Korean girl than Hyejin.

5. Georgina Chen
My best friend ever. We met in the seventh grade in middle school and have been good friends ever since then. She is one of my greatest supports even when I am in KMLA far away from her. I have a strong conviction that we will be best friends lifelong.

6. mountain
I love mountains. Tianjin doesn't have any mountains but Korea has a lot everywhere. When I was little, I had a notion that "Korea = mountains." One of the reason I love KMLA is that it is amid mountains and one of my favorite things to do here is go hiking the hill behind the dorm.

7. history
One of my favorite subject. In one semester, I took 10 unites of history courses and I still enjoy every course so much! Writing history paper in Mr. Ganse's class is painful but very meaningful and exciting. I feel like I become a historian and it really feels good!

8. literature
Yeah, my another favorite subject. When I was in Chinese school, the subject I was most interested in and most excelled at was Chinese literature. But I found out that I have equal passion for Korean literature and, most importantly for now, English literature as well.

9. books I read in Mr. Yoon's literature class
Yesterday, I read M. Butterfuly, another transforming and touching experience. Mr. Yoon is so good at picking good books for his literature class. I fall in love with every book that he recommend  . His class is very enjoyable and I enjoy even more because of the books I read there.

10. Korean Diaspora
Apart my friends at KMLA, I have more ethnic Korean friends with non-Korean nationalities than pure Koreans. Perhaps it is they who stir my interest in studies on Korean Diaspora: how the Korean people is becoming a diaspora and the future that the Korean Diaspora face.

11.


12. East Asia
China, Korea and Japan. Three countries in the world that I most care about. When I read newspaper, I would usually skip through most of the news but I would never miss any on them. I am interested in cultures in these three countries, but I also pay attention to security issue.

13. my life motto #1
지피지기이면, 백전잭승이다. It is a verse from the Art of War written by Sun Tzu. In English, it is "if you know your enemy and yourself, you can win every battle." I firmly believe that it is an unfailing truth and it is my principle in solving conflicts or confronting competitions.

14. my life motto #2
Another unfailing truth to me. This one is proposed by me. 간절히 바라면 반드시 이루어 진다. 이루어지지 않았다면 단지 간절하지 않았기 때문이다. In English: If one wishes it desperately, it must come true. If it doesn't come true, that's only because one didn't wish it desperately.

15. recklessness
I tend to be very cautious and thoughtful about everything in my daily life. However, when it comes to some critical and life-affecting decisions, I tend to be more reckless than prudent, not calculating and caring much about consequences as long as I am doing what I love to do.

16. diary and letters
I used to diary every day. But since my school work got busy, I have no kept this daily practice. But I still try to write it whenever possible. Plus I exchange many letters via email with my family and my past friends. They are a source of memories and a chance for me to reflect on myself.

17. Nankai
The name of a school I studied in for two years. Nankai has a very long and dynamic history as well as a very unique educational idea. Though it isn't a perfect school, I appreciate it for its profound impact on me and its founding headmaster is one of the past figures I respect most.

18. Water Park
My favorite place in the world. When I was young, it is the most frequently-visited place for my family on weekend. When I was about ten, our family moved to an apartment right next to this park. Since then on, we had have a walk or a picnic there even more frequently.

19. an evening walk
My favorite thing to do, especially when I was in middle school. Nowadays, I don't have much chances to do so because I live in a dorm. But before I came to KMLA, it is a daily practice for me and the thing I love the most. I try to have a walk whenever possible even when I am here.

20. bicycle
I love riding bicycle. I used to ride bicycle everyday for nearly an hour. I feel like I am flying when I ride bicycle and I enjoy looking at and appreciating surrounding landscape while riding bicycle. I have plenty of good childhood memories associated with bicycle.

21. calligraphy
Something that I have never learned persistently but I enjoy so much. I first learned it when I was in the second grade but I found it too hard then. Later on, I studied it occasionally but I have never had the chance to take it seriously. It is one of the things I want to study after graduating from here.

22. dancing
Something that very few people know, I had learned ballet and Chinese folk dance for eight years which I enjoyed and still enjoy so much. But there was one incident that made me decide to quit learning. Now it is one thing that I want to learn after graduation and continue to do in college.

23. Huo-guo
My favorite food ever! It is a Chinese dish which is very similar to Korean 샤브샤브. But in my opinion Huo-guo has a much better taste. I love its smell, the shape of white vapor rising above it, its sauce, the dynamic taste of every ingredient in it, etc. It a shame that Korea doesn't have it.

24. 멍 때리기
My another hobby and specialty. I am serious. Especially when I was in middle school, my next-seat neighbor who was a boy once told he was so scared whenever I was out of myself. He said my eyes wouldn't blink and I couldn't hear anything even though he called my name.

25. Class 11
My first home room in KMLA. I cherish every moment I have with every person here, but the time with Class 11 in my freshman year are the most memorable one to me so far. Of course, the "first" is always memorable but it becomes more when it contains such wonderful friends and teacher.

26. travelling around the world
I love travelling. One of my lifelong dream is to travel around the world. I don't care if the destination is a wonderful palace or a dangerous slum. It doesn't have to be a popular tourist attraction. A backstreet with an exotic view is enough for me to travel. I hate tour packages.

27. writing "strange" staffs
I originally wrote philosophy for the title but I erased it. I have had some "strange" thoughts in my mind and occasionally I wrote about them which even I myself regarded as childish. But they've earned me two, not one, prizes in "philosophy." Strange. Should we be childish to be philosophers?

28. diplomat
A dream I've had since I was in the third grade. Sometimes I hate it because it sounds like a cliche. Sometimes my interests divert and I would claim that I want to be a historian or something else. But after all, my dream always turns back to becoming a diplomat, at least so far.

29. daydreaming
Something I am sure that I can do outstandingly well. I daydream about my past experience. I daydream about my possible and impossible future. Sometimes I would make up a completely new world with all kinds of things going on. But the most frightening secret is that I enjoy it so much!

30. Yale
A daydream? I've cherished the memory that my mom told me when I was still in kindergarten that I could go to Yale too while pointing to a news reporting a Korean got accepted to Yale. At such a young age, I believed in it so naturally until one day I found out it is not as easy at all.

The Last Time I Saw You

The Last Time I Saw You

“The last time I saw you, you cried when we parted.”

“This time, I won’t,” my little sister declared.

When I said bye to my sister the day I entered the dorm, I saw her misty eyes. I knew that she was gulping down her tears, but I didn't try to comfort her, because I also knew that if I said one more word to her, she would burst into tears. But she did anyway—just before I turned my back for the dorm, she clung to my jacket and began to wail,

 “Eonni, I’m sorry that I’ve vexed you so often. I’ll miss you.”

“Good girl, don’t cry,” I said, wiping my own eyes, “I will miss you too.”

One year later, we met again. My sister and mom flew over the Gulf of Pohai just to come see me. She sat quietly and listened to me pouring out to my mom all the stories of hard moments I had gone through over the last year without my family. She was so quiet that I was a bit surprised: she used to hate the exclusive conversation between my mom and me; she used to constantly interrupt our conversation just to vex me.

Before she left, she gave me a family photo which I forgot to bring when I left home a year ago. When I flipped it over, I noticed a crooked handwriting—“fighting*!”

This time, she didn’t cry. Instead, she cheered to me, “fighting!”

*     *     *

“The last time I saw you, you carried a baby in your arms.”

“Time flies, my dear friend! The baby becomes a lady now!” my mom smiled.

When my mom and her best friend bade farewell to each other at the Tianjin airport, they were young mothers each with a kindergarten child. Six years ago, two lonely souls, away from all the relatives they had to a country which language they didn't speak, began to lean on each other like sisters. But now one of them had to leave for another foreign land.

“Be strong, no matter what difficulties you run into,” auntie, my mom's friend, said.

“Be safe. Costa Rica won’t be an easy place to live in either,” my mom said.

Time flies. Auntie moved from Costa Rica to another country. Our family also moved. My mom and auntie lost each other’s contact number, until this winter when my auntie’s grown-up daughter travelled to Tianjin and searched for my mother. She asked all around knowing nothing but my mom’s name, but she made it in the end.

My mom and auntie made a joyful reunion in a coffee house in Seoul with my company. They talked for hours about how they had raised their children and how their children had grown into ladies who they were so proud of.

This time, when they parted, I didn't see any sorrow of parting in their eyes.

*     *     *

Was it the time that made you stronger, or was it the separation from me that made you more independent? Or, was it simply that you feigned to look stronger and more independent because you didn't want me to worry?

I don’t know. But let me tell you this:

Partings and leavings bring tears and sorrows. But I like them when they force me cherish the memory of the last time I saw you and see the changes in both of us since the last time. Such changes were what made me realize the fact that we were living, growing and maturing.

Now we have to bid farewell again. When this moment becomes a "last time," I wonder, what will we say to each other:
“The last time I saw you …”

* Fighting is a commonly used word of encouragement and cheer in Korea.